


The City Is At War

by Blackparade



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Crack, F/M, M/M, Pepper "Boss Ass Bitch" Potts, Prank War, boys vs girls, shameless crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-10
Updated: 2015-09-10
Packaged: 2018-04-20 00:44:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4767173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blackparade/pseuds/Blackparade
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clint is on the run from Natasha, Bobbi, and May. Everyone else sort of gets roped in. Chaos ensues.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The City Is At War

"Another convention, really Buck?"

Steve looked up from the brochure that had been placed in front of him just a few seconds before, to look at Bucky smiling shyly into the cup of coffee he had just poured for himself.

"We went to that art gallery on our last date, Steve. It's my turn to pick."

Steve remembered. Bucky had set off the metal detector at the entrance of the gallery with his arm, and they had both been reduced to a fit of laughter because of it. When everyone in the room recognized who they were however, they were treated to a round of applause.

"You'll really like this one! It's all about NASA's plans for the next ten years. They want to colonize the moon, Stevie! The moon!"  
"God, I married such a nerd!"  
"I appreciate human innovation and discovery, you ass. Maybe if you had payed attention during grade school science classes, you'd have known not to throw water on a grease fire and destroy Tony's kitchen."  
"TONY's kitchen being the pivotal statement there, love. He got over it eventually, and he has like 100 or so more, and our kitchen remained unscathed."  
"Captain America: Personification of Truth and Justice. Steve Rogers: Dumbass who burns his friends kitchen to a crisp. Tony can be an ass, but poor Pepper didn't deserve that stress, Steven."

The couple were just laughing at one another at this point. Bucky got up to place his mug in the sink, when a knock came on their door.

"Are you expecting anyone?"  
Steve looked to Bucky, who was shaking his head,  
"No, everyone knew we had plans today."

Steve got up and, remembering the punch in the arm Bucky gave him a few days ago for not checking the peephole first to make sure no danger lies on the other side of the door, looks out to see a very disgruntled Clint Barton standing in the hall.

"It's Barton," he said looking over at Bucky, "you didn't lose a sniping challenge and owe him money again, do you?"  
"Not recently." Comes Bucky's sheepish reply.

Steve unbolted the lock and opened the door, but had no time to say anything before Clint slammed the door shut, locked it, and then ran to hide behind Bucky.

"You need to keep that door locked at all costs." He said, struggling to catch his breath, but still hiding behind Bucky, and clinging on to his shirt. 

"What the Hell happened? Is there a situation? Maria hasn't called either of us yet." Steve said as he moved into the room and took site of his intruding teammate.

Clint finally caught his breath, and began to survey the room, as if looking for any hidden wires or cameras, then began to speak in a very hushed tone.

"You both know about the prank war that Nat and I have had going on all week, right?"  
Bucky cringed, "No shit. I was collateral damage in her last attack."

Steve couldn't help the chuckle that passed his lips, "Meaning, the big ass Python meant to be left in the quinjet you were riding in to that skirmish in Belize ended up in his. It was like when Ellen DeGeneres sends her one writer to those haunted houses, and he screams like a child the whole time."  
Steve very narrowly avoided being hit by the oven mitt Bucky threw at his face.  
"Not funny, Steve. Rhodes and I nearly had a heart attack!"  
"BOYS!"  
They both stopped there bickering to turn to Clint, who was still eyeing the room with his hands clenching the back of Bucky's sweatshirt.  
"Two days ago, she was ready to claim victory after I went to the tower's garage to take my GTO out for a ride around the city, only to stumble upon a Barbie jeep in my designated spot."

The couple laughed in spite of their friend then. (It was a very good prank.)

"Me, not being able to accept defeat so easily, asked Tony to help me rig a glitter bomb to go off when she opened her laptop. I met with Coulson to tell him about my triumph, when he told me that Bobbi and May were meeting with Nat to discuss mission parameters."

The two soldiers looked at one another, and then back to Clint.

"So at what point does all of this constitute you running in here and interrupting our day off together?" Steve looks sternly upon the archer, who goes pale as he says, "Because he sent the mission parameters to Nat's laptop, which she opened last night, exploding glitter all over herself, Bobbi, and May!"

They all sat in silence, until Bucky let out a shutter. "Shit, Barton. That's like three of the deadliest people on the face of the earth after you right now."

Bucky's phone was ringing then, causing Clint to hide even further behind him. He reached over to the counter to look at the caller ID to find that it was Tony calling.

"Tony? What's up?"  
"Is Barton with you!?" He heard Tony's frantic reply, and what sounded to be chickens in the background.  
"Yeah. He's currently hiding behind me. Why?"  
"Tell him to run. Change his name, move to Alaska, anything. He just needs to get out of the city, the country even, as quickly as possible."  
Steve was looking at Bucky questioningly then, but he kept on with the conversation.  
"What the Hell is going on Stark!?"  
"I have no idea! I went to bed last night wrapped in my Egyptian cotton sheets, and woke up this morning in only my underwear, to find 37 missed calls from Pepper, on some huge ass farm in the middle of Oklahoma, with a selfie courtesy of Black Widow, Mockingbird, and The Cavalry as my phone wallpaper."  
So that definitely was chickens Bucky heard.  
"Just stay where you are Tony. I'll send Rhodes to come and get you."  
He hung up the phone, and then gathered what was left of his sanity, and addressed the two men in the room with him.

"So apparently, they drugged Stark and dropped him off in the middle of the night in Bumfucksville, Oklahoma in just his underwear."  
He began typing out a message to Rhodes, telling him to check the TV and all social media outlets for any news of a billionaire wandering around an Oklahoma farm in just his boxers.  
Clint wrapped his arms fully around Bucky then, and rested his head in between his shoulder blades as he felt his knees threaten to give out, and bile rise from his throat.  
"All he did was make the bomb, I planted it! They are going to kill me!"  
He buried his head further in Bucky's back, and motioned for Steve to come stand next to him.  
"Steve, please make sure the GTO goes to Phil. He'll appreciate her just as much as I did. Bucky, I want you to have my bow, quiver, and arrows. You are the second best shot I know, you'll do well by them."  
"Listen, Clint. We're not going to let them do anything to you."  
Steve placed a hand on his friends shoulder, as Bucky answered his phone again, "Yes, Rhodey. I'm aware that that was an incredibly vague text, but given the circumstances...."  
Clint let go of Bucky's shirt, and allowed him to carry on his conversation with Rhodes.

Steve waited until Bucky came back into the room, and began to speak again, "The snake wasn't the first time that we've gotten caught in Nat's crosshairs. Last month, she and Scott started one of these wars, but eventually started to team up and attack the rest of us."  
Bucky had a look of recollection and then he began to laugh.  
"Oh my God! I completely forgot! They recorded his butchered shower version of 'My Girl', and sent it to TMZ."  
"I got Scott back by having Thor place Mjolnir in front of the door to the only bathroom in his apartment, but I haven't gotten Tasha back yet."

Clint was just giving them both a dumbfounded look. Then, a small smile began to spread across his face.  
"I may just be able to survive with help from the two of you!"

"Captain Rogers, Agent Barbara Morse is on her way in the elevator to meet with you." JARVIS announced suddenly, and everyone's faces went pale.  
"Shit. Nevermind. I'm dead." Clint had a look of sheer defeat on his face by this point.

Steve was quick on his feet however, and dialed up Sam, who answered after the second ring.  
"Cap! How's the boring ass convention going!?"  
(He totally deserved the smack in the back of his head Bucky delivered.)  
"I uh... We actually got a little sidetracked. Listen, are you on your floor right now?"  
"Sure am. Why you ask?"  
"Bobbi is on her way up to our floor as we speak, and I need you to stop her before she gets here if you ever want to see Clint alive again."  
Sam let out a long sigh, but eventually spoke again,  
"I'm not even going to ask. Or argue for that matter. I was going to get roped into this sooner or later."  
"Thank you, Sam. I owe you!"

**********

"Bobbi! Long time no see!" Sam ran to catch up to her, and then fell in to pace beside her.  
She gave him a warm smile, and responded "I just saw you at Pepper's potluck the other night Sam."  
"That you did..."  
"......"  
"......"  
"Did you need something?"  
"I uh, yes. I do actually. I just bought this new blender, but I can't for the life of me figure out how to get it to work, and was wondering if you could come and help me."  
He wanted the floor to open up and swallow him whole. A blender? What kind of idiot....  
"Sure."  
"Really!?..... I mean..... Really!?"  
"Why not? I have a few free minutes."  
"Umm, okay. I'll show you back to my apartment then."

**********

"I just got a text from Sam. He's keeping Bobbi distracted. We need to move."  
Steve grabbed his wallet and the keys to one of the 'Avenger use only' SUVs and lead the other two out of the apartment and down the hall.

"I'll text Pepper. Tell her that Tony is alright in a very loose sense of the word, and see if she can speak some sense into the other two." Bucky was explaining.  
Steve stopped dead in his tracks when he got a text from Thor,

'Agent May just arrived at the tower and is requesting a word with Barton. Have you been in contact with him today?'

"Shit." Steve murmured under his breath, and showed the message to Clint. 

"Tell him to intercept her!" Clint knew how pathetic he sounded, but this was life or death.

'Stall her Thor. Do whatever you have to do!' Was the response Steve gave.

**********

"Agent May! What a pleasure!" Thor swooped in and engulfed Melinda in a hug.  
"Thor, how are you?"  
"Quite well, thank you. Did our dear Phillip send you?"  
"No actually, I'm here on business of my own. I need to speak to Barton. Vision told me he is with Rogers and Barnes. Do you have any idea where they all are?"  
Thor is not the type to show fear. Agent May is the exception, however. He stumbles to find words, not wanting to lie to her, but also not wanting to betray Steve.  
"I..... They.... I can help you find them, yes."

**********

Steve, Bucky, and Clint were all riding in the SUV, when Clint's phone took a turn ringing. He panicked when he saw who was calling. He threw the phone at Bucky, who caught it and slid his thumb across the screen that displayed the words 'incoming call: wife'.

"Natalia, hi!"  
"Cut the bullshit, Barnes. Put him on the phone."  
"I have no idea who you're talking about."  
The silence on the other end of the line was very telling.  
"So the company use vehicle that was just signed off a few minutes ago isn't the vehicle you three are trying to escape in?"  
"........ Now, Nat......"  
"Bring him back here to us within the next five minutes or you two will become our targets as well."

Bucky just stared at the phone, then slowly handed it back to Clint.  
"She's at the tower. She knows we have the SUV and is probably tracking us on GPS right now."

Steve suddenly made a sharp right turn, and headed back in the direction of the tower.  
"STEVE. WHAT THE HELL!? YOU'RE CAPTAIN AMERICA, YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO CRACK SO EASILY UNDER PRESSURE!"  
Clint was on the verge of a complete breakdown, when Bucky turned in his seat, and slapped him across the face.  
"Pull it together soldier."  
"Thanks Barnes."

Bucky smiled at him, and then turned to Steve,  
"I hope you have a plan, Doll."  
The look Steve gave him was reminiscent of that look he used to get as a scrawny little shit back in the forties, that said 'I am your 100 pound worst nightmare, and I'm coming to fuck shit up.'  
"All we have to do is stay one step ahead, and strike before they have a chance to."  
He then shot a quick text to Sam and Thor, telling them to keep the others occupied while they went after Nat.

**********

"Right in here!"  
Bobbi was standing in the parlor on Sam's floor, when she heard him call from inside the pantry.  
"Maybe if you had that thing plugged in instead of sitting on a shelf next to some Fruit Loops, it'd work just fine."

She was laughing very lightly, until Sam moved to block the exit, and closed and locked the door.

"I'm really sorry, Bobbi. You're one of the few I actually really like, but I'm loyal to my red, white, and bi guys first and foremost."  
She very calmly turned, and a menacingly sweet looking smile covered her face.  
"You really should let me out darling. Nat and May are still out there, we're going to get our revenge one way or another."  
"I think you underestimate just how long I'm prepared to stay in here. I once locked myself in the bathroom without my cellphone or anything. I was trapped in there for almost thirteen hours straight."  
"But we had our thing.... The hand shake, and Caw Caw motherfucker. Bird squad, remember?"  
"Again, Bobbi. So sorry."

**********

Thor knew he was in some deep shit. He had been leading May around the tower for almost thirty minutes, constantly talking about some battle he had fought, or beast he had bested. Eventually they ended up in the communal room on the team's shared floor. He saw Mjolnir sitting in front of one of the couches, and had an idea.

"Agent May, please sit. I'm going to step onto the balcony and attempt to reach my comrades."

She gave him a questioning smile, but sat down none the less. As soon as she was sitting fully, he very quickly gathered the hammer in his hands,  
"Can you hold this for me?"  
He placed it in her lap, and on sheer survival instinct, immediately bolted out of the room.

"Thor? THOR!"  
"Dammit."

**********

Natasha was starting to get antsy. Neither May or Bobbi had called her back, and she really had no idea if Clint, Bucky, and Steve were in that SUV or not. If they didn't act soon, the trio could be on their way out of the country.  
She was deep in thought when Thor came to a skidding halt in front of her.  
"............. Natasha."  
"............. Thor."  
"I have a perfectly good explanation for all of this."  
"I sure hope you do."  
She took the opportunity to spray him with a truth serum that Simmons had perfected a few days earlier, and immediately saw it start to take effect.  
"So. Where the hell are Bobbi and May?"  
"Agent May is trapped underneath my hammer. Agent Morse is also trapped, but in Wilson's pantry."  
Natasha just sighed. Boys. Always sticking together.  
Thor apparently wasn't finished yet, however.  
"Sometimes Stark is so infuriating. For someone so astoundingly intelligent, he is downright oblivious to social cues. He loves to intrude on topics that are very much off limits."

(Nat may or may not be recording this for later)  
"Go on big guy, keep it coming."

"I don't understand Wanda's obsession with gothic aesthetic. If one is so against conformity, then why do they all look the same?"

"Very well stated."

"Sergeant Barnes has no right being so attractive. I cannot master the art of the 'man bun' even in my most valiant of efforts."

"You poor thing."

"Ms. Potts is a sublime specimen. She is breathtakingly beautiful, of course, but she is also quite intelligent and very diplomatic. She could certainly ascertain much better than Stark."

"Alright kiddo. Let's stop while we're ahead."

"The same can be said for Jane. I'm quite a pompous arse most of the time. Melinda is settling as well. Phillip Son of Coul can be quite, well, he likes to play the hero. Barbara is so caring and kind, and other than his rugged good looks, Hunter is quite subpar."

Nat was at a loss for words.

"Our Good Captain and Sergeant Barnes are the epitome of a perfect match, however. Truly two halves of one whole."  
"I love those asshats, but they're both pretty high on my shit list today. Clint being at the top."  
"You both are also quite the consummate pair. Has he showed you his hidden stash of...."  
"I'm going to cut you off there my friend."

**********

"Want a granola bar? These ones are actually half the calories with all the flavor."  
Sam was sitting in front of the door, and making a very weak attempt to keep Bobbi from strangling him. She was sitting opposite him on the pantry floor. Tapping her fingers on the bottom shelf.  
"I can't believe I left my phone out there. Nat has probably called me a thousand times already."  
She rested her head against the wall and let her eyes fall shut.  
"What the Hell did Clint do that has you all scorching the Earth to find him?"  
"Open up his Tumblr. The webcam was rigged to capture and upload it in horrifying detail."  
He did as instructed, but found that  
Tony was all over the home page. He was also only wearing boxers, holding a chicken. He went against his better judgement and decided to let the video play.

"Mr. Stark, tell us more about this experiment."  
"I have always been a staunch supporter of Farm-Aid and their efforts to dismantle the American agricultural horror show. I decided to spend a night living as these guys live (he lifted the chicken to face the camera) to better understand the proper conditions in which they should be kept."  
"While unorthodox, I think everyone can agree that your philanthropy knows no bounds, Mr. Stark"  
"I'm simply invested in a better future for all, even the avian variety."  
"Commander Rhodes, what are your thoughts on the efforts displayed today?"  
"I'm inclined to say 'no comment' ma'am."

\--

"............. You've. Got. To. Be. Kidding. Me."  
If looks were lethal, Bobbi would have eliminated the entire Eastern seaboard in that moment.  
"That was a sound proof prank. How the Hell does he turn it into a publicity  
shit show?"  
Sam got to his feet then,  
"Let's go find Nat and May."  
Bobbi just stared at him.  
"Why?"  
"Because if that's what you did to Stark, I don't want to have any part in it. Let's just find them and hope that they spare me, and that my boys still want anything to do with me after this betrayal."

**********

Melinda had tried in recent years to live without any regrets. In this moment however, all she had were regrets. Suddenly, the elevator opened up, and Natasha, Bobbi, Sam, and Thor came strolling into the room.

"You may be a God, but I promise you I am going to kick your ass."

Nat just smiled as she lead Thor to the couch.  
"It's alright May, he's defected to our side, so has Wilson."  
Sam gave a shy smile as Thor lifted the hammer off her lap.  
"My sincere apologies Agent May. I was simply bound by the sacred wright of the 'bro code'. The sensible  
side of my being decided it did not want to die at your hand today."

Nat chorales them all in.  
"Alright. Priority number one. Find the three stooges, punish Rogers and Barnes for aiding and abetting a dumbass, and then move on to our final phase; revenge."

**********

Steve pulled the SUV back into the main garage of the building, and then all three men set out on foot.

"What time is it, Barton?"  
"Just after eight in the morning."  
"That means that the building isn't open for regular business hours yet."

The three came to a wall-mounted touchpad, and Steve immediately engaged a thumb scan.

"JARVIS, where are Sam and Thor?"  
"They are in the communal floor of the tower, Captain."  
"Pull up the audio and video please."  
"Certainly sir."

The three looked on in horror, as the video revealed Sam and Thor to be in cahoots with the enemy.  
\--

"Tony must have programmed JARVIS not to respond unless we were working with Clint. We have no idea where he is."  
Nat was addressing the group.  
"Not a big deal. Steve has no idea I'm with you guys. I'll just send him a text asking to meet up somewhere, and that's when you all strike." Sam spoke to the group.

\--

Bucky took in the wounded look on Steve's face, then pulled out his phone, and it rang for a few moments before a young man answered,  
"Nelson and Murdock, Attorneys at Law, how can I assist you today?"  
"Foggy! This is Bucky."  
"Bucky my man, what can I do you for!?"  
"You still seeing that aspiring Broadway actress?"  
"You could say that."  
"Alright here's what I need you to do. Our pal Sam Wilson is giving a seminar at the New York Public Library tomorrow evening at six. Have her show up and wreak havoc. Some story about taking all his money and the thirteen pet cats. She'll be personally compensated by Tony Stark."  
"I...... I'm not gonna ask. I'll make sure she is well rehearsed."  
"Thank you."

He hung up the phone, and turned to find two equally impressed looks from Steve and Clint.

"I knew there was a reason you were my favorite." Clint said, patting him on the shoulder.  
"Who was that, Buck?" Steve asked.  
"Foggy Nelson. He and his business partner Matt Murdock are killer attorneys. After we battled those dragon things in Los Angeles, and destroyed The Angels stadium in the process, they were on a short list of lawyers Tony wanted to check out, so he sent me to talk to them. They're really great guys."  
Steve just smiled.  
"That was a brilliant plan, sugar."  
As the two stood smiling doe-eyed at one another, Clint grabbed both their wrists and began pulling them along.  
"You two can get cozy later. Right now we need to find a way to get out in front of the girls."

Steve became dead weight all of a sudden, causing Clint to turn around with a distressed look on his face.

"I'm so dumb." Steve said into his palm. "The other day Fitzsimmons were helping Tony with a modification to the tower's solar panels, and Fitz was tinkering with something, sort of like an icer, but it causes the victim to momentarily live in a reality in which they are some type of wild animal. There's a whole arsenal of the things in Tony's lab."

Clint and Bucky had mirrored smirks on their faces.

"I think we have a battle plan now, gentlemen." 

With that Clint led the two out of the garage.

**********

"....... Almost identical to an icer, but it makes the affected shortly believe they are whatever wild animal was most recently in their head."

May had her on speaker.  
"Poor Fitz thought they could be effective in Mr. Starks arsenal, but the idea was very quickly scrapped. They should aid you just fine in your battles today, though."  
There was incoherent shouting in the background and then a distinct, 'World's not yet prepared for my level of genius!', prompting Jemma to speak again,  
"I should go before he injures himself."  
"Thank you, Jemma."

Bobbi looked to Sam and Thor,  
"Alright Sam, you text Steve. Tell him to wait outside the lab with Barton and Barnes. Thor.... You can come with us, but just try and not spill your guts anymore until the truth serum has worn off."  
Thor nodded, but Sam let out a labored sigh,  
"You gonna untie me so I can use my phone?"  
She hesitated, but eventually signaled for Thor to untie him.

Sam quickly typed out the text and then sat back down, and just stared at Bobbi.  
"You gonna tie me up again?"  
She gave him an unwavering glare.  
"Show me the text."  
"................."  
"Sam. Show me the text."

Suddenly, he jumped up from his chair, and bolted from the room.

"Perhaps I should have prevented that."  
"Yes. Thank you, Thor."

**********

"JARVIS, is anyone in the lab right now?"

"It appears to be empty, Agent Barton."

"Alright fellas. It's home free now."

Steve was still trying to decipher Sam's latest text,  
('It's a trap!')  
When Bucky's head shot up, and he raised a finger to his lips.  
"Someone's coming. Fast."  
He stepped forward, and in one swift motion, clotheslined Sam.  
He stayed motionless on the floor for what seemed like an eternity, before groaning,  
"I think I have a concussion."

Steve helped him up, and then punched him in the arm.  
"It serves you right, asshole. That was grade A mutiny what you did back there."  
"It was eat or be eaten, man! I'm here now thou..... SHIT! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?"  
"What do you mean?"  
"The text! They're probably already......"  
Sam was cut off by the sound of a shot being fired. Suddenly, he fell on his knees, and began to peck at the ground like a chicken.

"I see he watched Stark's video."  
Nat said as she rounded the corner, Fitz's weapon aimed at the other three. Bobbi and May followed suit, also aiming at the boys.

"It was a valiant effort gentleman, truly, but the girls and I are champions at this game."

Clint took a bold step forward.  
"This is just you and me, Nat. Steve and Bucky were just being good friends."

She had an evil grin on her face.  
"Oh I'm aware. That's why I won't film their reactions to this gun."

In an instant, she had the thing aimed at Bucky, and he had barely any time to process the sound of it being fired, before Steve was jumping in front of him, and in true fashion, saving his best guy.

Time seemed to be frozen, until Bucky finally spoke,  
"For fuck's sake, Steve. None of this is even that serious."  
He looked down to find his other half rolling on the floor, tongue hanging out the side of his mouth.  
His face grew very soft and fond, and when he spoke again, his voice was filled with affection.  
"Oh.... He's been talking about adopting a puppy."

Thor came crashing into the room then,  
"RUN COMRADES, SAVE YOURSELVES!!!"  
He had Bobbi and May disarmed in an instant.

Clint took the opportunity to knock Natasha's weapon out of her hands, and he and Bucky sprinted from the room. She immediately gave chase.

Thor had the other two women pinned against the wall.  
"I cannot betray my brothers anymore."  
Bobbi placed a hand on his bicep, and a huge grin spread across her face.  
"You know what, May? This isn't so bad."

**********

Bucky and Clint exited the tower, and continued running hard, no destination in mind. 

"Where the Hell do we go!?" Clint yelled.  
"As far away as we can!" Bucky hollered back. 

They heard the sound of a car screeching to a stop behind them, and knew that Nat wasn't far behind.  
They cut a quick corner, and came to a much busier street, and kept weaving their way through the crowds of people. 

"I have an idea!" Clint suddenly stopped, causing Bucky to run right into him.  
Clint stood on a bench, and cupped his hands around his mouth.  
"HEY EVERYONE! IT'S BLACK WIDOW'S BIRTHDAY TODAY! GIVE HER YOUR BEST!"  
The two turned to see the crowd engulf Natasha. 

They ran for a few more blocks, before Clint had to stop to catch his breath.  
"Already wheezing, Barton?"  
"We can't all be super-soldiers, Barnes."

They both turned to see a black SUV pull up in front of them, and held their breaths as one of the rear doors opened. They breathed a sigh of relief when Pepper stepped out.

"Pepper! It's good to see you, we..."  
She raised a hand and cut Clint off mid sentence.  
"In the car you two. Now."

They gave one another a weary look, but did as she said. When they got in, they found Nat sulking in one corner, Tony (still only in boxers), and Rhodey in another, and then took seats of their own.

Pepper sat silent for a few minutes before opening her mouth to speak.

"One morning I spend in Boston. That's all it took for you all to descend into chaos?"

They all bowed their heads.

"That's what I thought." She said, and pulled out her phone.

"Hi Maria. So for all intents and purposes, everyone but Rhodey, Wanda, Bruce, Scott, and Vision are indisposed. They will have to take up Agent Romanoff's mission. Yes. Yes. Yes. They sure did. Of course we're still on for lunch tomorrow. Alright, sweetheart. Bye bye."

She looked at Rhodey then, "Don't do anything to make me change my mind."

"Yes ma'am."

**********

The following evening, they were all crammed around the TV, watching The Brave Little Toaster. They had devoured six huge pepperoni pizzas (Pepper forced Nat and Clint to make them together. Once they had pulled the pies from the oven, they retreated to their floor, covered in flour, meaning they had more than forgiven one another.)

"Why wasn't Sam able to join us tonight?" Pepper asked from where she was cradled in Tony's lap.

Steve spoke up from the love seat, where Bucky was nuzzled into his chest, "He's giving a seminar tonight."

Bucky shot his head up and gave Steve a horrified look.  
"STEVE. I NEVER CALLED FOGGY BACK."

"BBBAAAARRRRNNNNEEESSS."

Steve and Bucky both shot up,  
"Run babe!"  
As they tore out of the room, Sam followed closely behind.

Tony looked at Pepper,  
"You gonna do anything?"  
She closed her eyes and rested her head in his shoulder,  
"No." She let out a small giggle. "That was actually a really good prank."


End file.
